What I can't Have
by ParzivalHallows
Summary: Gabriel's thoughts on Sam and his inevitable destiny. Slight Sabriel.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Supernatural.

**Warnings: **None.

**Pairings: **Slightly one-sided Sam/Gabriel.

…

Why do I enjoy torturing Sam so much?

If he had been any other person, I would have responded: _"That's simple! He needed to be taken off his high-horse!"_

But Sam isn't just any other person. He's special, almost, if that makes sense. He has something special about him that not even I can fathom, much less my Brothers. They see Sam as a tool, just another vessel that plays somewhat of an important role. Well, okay, a little more than 'somewhat of an important role', but it's still the same thing. Over and over, the end of the world has been predicted, but never has it been for real until now.

You may be wondering, _how does he know? He's still 'The Trickster', how could he possibly know?_

Well, to all you idiots out there, I'm not as oblivious as I pretend to be. I've known about the plans since before any of you were born. I don't care if your ninety or twelve, you're just babies really. Like Castiel, Dean says he's a baby in a trench coat, and yet he has no idea just how right he is. Castiel's young, barely making it out of the dreaded teen-years in Heaven, which was a dreadful age. Why then had he been tasked with such an important role as to watching Dean Winchester?

Yes, I know about that too. I know all about the Winchesters and my family's plans for them. I may have just met them, even gotten staked through my supposed heart by them, and Sam hasn't even died yet in Cold Oak (Yes, yes, will you shut up already? I know about that too!). Like I said, I'm either a natural or an Arch-angel. Which do you think is the right choice?

Now, back to the whole 'The Force is Strong with This One' Sam. I might sound like one of those crazed up people who claim to be psychics, but they don't know anything. Even those who have the slight power to see beyond, aren't the ones who are playing with cards and giving people false hope. Sam had been a true psychic, still would be if he looked deep down inside of himself. Have any of you ever wondered why John knew all about Sam's powers in the first place? Yeah, he discovered a bit more about them along the long road of a Hunter, but they started happening before Sam turned 22 contrary to popular belief. Just like the others. Other children like him I mean. Dean's too young to remember, and Caleb and Bobby were never around for the odd occurrences. Only John and that Pastor Jim or James or whatever his name was knew about it.

You see, I've been watching the Winchesters for a…well, you would probably say a long time, but to me it's barely a year. Not to confuse you with the whole 'angel vs human' years, but that's just how it is. Before he reached puberty, Sam had always been different. Back then he knew a lot more than visions, though "nightmares" were a daily occurrence. He could read minds, like dear old Rosie, and though he couldn't deep fry like Scott, he _did _have a slight grasp on mind-control. Barely enough to make a cat hiss at his enemies, but it was still buried in there. Sam of course had no clue what was going on and thought everything was normal, but John could see it straight away. He knew something was wrong, knew that Mary's death over Sam's crib was not a coincidence – it was an omen.

Back to the original story. They can't see me, they don't _want _to see me, and I can hardly blame them. _I _on the other hand, can see many things. One of the most infuriating though, is that I cannot see Sam's future beyond when my dear brother Luci will arise. I don't think it means he will be dead, but I know that I could never let Lucifer win. I'll die before that happens.

I told Dean today that I liked him and Sam. Well, he didn't see it as a compliment, but coming from me that's like saying 'I don't like sweets anymore'.

It just doesn't happen.

I wasn't lying when I said that I liked Dean, but he was no match for Sam. I liked Sam in a different way, something I can't yet explain. There's so many emotions that I feel about Sam, and it jumbles my thoughts constantly.

What was so important about Sammy Winchester? Worthless, cockroach, scum-on-the-bottom-of-my-angelic foot that he is.

But he wasn't.

The way his hair changes every day, and yet, manages to stay the exact same. The way he can get what he wants just by giving somebody a certain look (perhaps the mind-control? I've heard it was the puppy eyes. But…nobody falls for them, right? Then again, I've never seen them in action before. I'm not _that _much of a stalker.) Even the way he wears his clothes is different from the other, many vessels that there have been throughout the years.

When Mary and John were targeted by Cupid, I knew right away that it wouldn't be a good idea. The Yellow-eyed bastard known as Azazel would surely have gotten to ONE of them.

Of course, it would be our one and only Sam. The winner of American Idol.

He didn't find it as thrilling as Azazel had, and neither do I. He didn't deserve the claim over Sam, the same soul that _I _had taken care of before he was even born unto earth. I know how many of you Cro-magnum or whatever they're called morons out there have no clue what I'm talking about.

I, Gabriel, the Trickster, Loki, an arch-angel, have comforted and raised the soul of Sam Winchester. I've whispered his destiny to him as a young soul, and even though he can't and will never know it now, I've been something of a lover to him in a past life. I guess I'm famous for the whole horn of Gabriel or even my angelic appearance…well…as angelic as you can get as an angel. I must say I'm quite flattered to be known as one of the best-looking angels…of course it's true, but still, it's nice to know I'm appreciated by people who haven't even laid eyes on me.

And the fact that I'm also depicted as a girl? Well, you are the ones who Christened me as Gabriel, a guy's name, but do us angels really have genders? No. We are a completely different species.

Which is what I keep trying to tell myself over and over even as I watch Sam right now, doing nothing more than reading a book. Just watching him turn the pages give me a tingling sensation in my stomach, though I know the meaning of it, I absolutely refuse to act upon it.

There's some things that you can't do, and the possible sexual harassment of Sam Winchester? Well, there's a double catch to that.

One: My family would kill me.

Two: Dean would bring me back to life just to kill me again.

But I can't stop watching him, even with those thoughts swirling in my head. They don't need to know how many times I'm taking tabs on them, and they don't even believe angels are real yet.

Well, Dean doesn't. But Sam does, he prays to my father, he prays to me, he prays every night – a plea that I cannot answer and my father will not listen to.

I wish I could comfort him, especially knowing what destiny has in store for him, but Sam Winchester is off limits.

Even I know a lost cause when I see one.

…

**So how was it? My first Sabriel fic. Sorry if it's not what you were expecting, but I'm kind of new at the whole Sam/Gabriel writing fics. I've always liked their pairing though! **

**And do you guys think I should write another fanfiction about when Sam first started getting his powers as a young boy before hitting puberty? **

**Please review and let me know! **


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